Melaney Rivers

[Hexed against Loyal Death Eaters]

I've always wanted to be able to do something as big as a wedding. Maybe when I get back home I'll try expanding my business to include something like that. I always thought it would be amazing to do flower arrangements based on that!

I've decided that France will be my next stop, I'll have to travel around a bit in order to find a place I can stay, but that's okay! I want to see the country and different towns and cities. I don't think I'm going to get a rabbit right now, it would probably be too much for the poor thing if I was traveling with it.

I hope everyone is doing well back home!

I saw a rabbit while I was at the park today! It was so adorable, just like they say. It was so small! It's hard to believe that something that adorable lives in the wild like that. It almost makes me worry for them. I went to a pet shop after and played with the bunnies they have there and asked about how to take care of them. It really doesn't sound that hard and I've never had a pet before. The only thing that was close to being a pet for me is Cliff's dog and his horses. I think I could manage a bunny. I didn't get one though, I don't want to assume it's alright to bring one home with me. The people I'm staying with might not like them at all.

I'll have to ask.


I'm also thinking of traveling soon. I don't know how soon but I want to! I want to see as many things while I can as I can! You never know when something might happen or change and take away your ability to do what you dream of.

I'm living in Holland now with an older couple who had an extra room. I'm also working for them at their flower shop and I'm really enjoying seeing all these new places and things. It's really exciting to be able to go out and find something new that I've never heard of before. The people here have been really nice and I feel welcome. I've already updatd a few of my friends but I don't think the owls made it to them all, or they're just busy right now and unable to get to them right now. I just wanted to write in my journal anyway.

They've let me design some boquets for them and they really loved my work. I was able to tell them how I have a flower shop back in England and it did fairly well so they've given me more work to do and I'm glad that they have.

Even though there are so many new people and places to see, I still miss my friends and I hope they're all doing well with everything that's happened back home.


I read something that was really nice and I thought I would include it in my journal:

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

[Private to Eliza]
Eliza, I'm not as strong as I wish I could be. The terrible things that are happening are too much for me to bear and I can't imagine living through this for one moment without becoming very afraid. I don't know how to put how I'm feeling into words, but I'll try because I need to explain myself to you.

Cliff has been letting me stay here since my house was burned down and while that's very nice of him, I never planned on staying for very long. I had hoped to rebuild my home but with everything happening like this I don't think that would be the best thing for me to do. I can't stay there because it isn't safe, Cliff told me that. I've enjoyed staying here and caring for his gardens and they're starting to become so beautiful. They have real potential, Eliza, they really do. They could be the most beautiful if only they had someone constantly telling them that they can do it.

I think it's the same way with people. We are capable of the greatest and most beautiful things if only we had others always reminding us that we can, and with neglect we can be forlorn and lonely, even become ugly because of it and possibly monsters. Cliff is so dedicated to St. Mungo's and he's doing a wonderful job with taking care of all those people and running the place in general. The thing is, I'm not happy here.

I thought that I would be, I've always loved him and I used to daydream about him loving me, but now that I have that I can see that to be loved by Cliff is to learn to live a life of often solitude and quiet moments. This shouldn't be a problem when I used to live on my own in my house with my garden and floral shoppe, but I feel empty now. Even with you there at times to talk to, I still feel like I can't be myself in a place that I'm living. So I'm leaving.

I need to get away from here and learn to find myself again. I've been lost inside this house for months. I've nearly lost my identity and if I lose that then who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? I don't want to have to stay behind the garden walls and within safe distance from others. Did you know that I used to go exploring on my own nearly every day when I was blind? Now that I can see again I haven't been out on my own except for a few times and I miss how brave I used to be. Now I'm hidden away like a frightened child in need of protection. Cliff has so many things to worry about and with him knowing that I'm safe at home, I get forgotten.

I hope you understand. Thank you for being my friend. I'll miss you.

I can't do much to help with everything that's going on at the site of the Ministry. I stopped by and looked at it yesterday and it's just horrifying that there used to be the headquarters to our government standing in a solid building. Everything was so familiar then, but now who do we turn to if we can't look to the Ministry? Maybe some of the Ministry leaders are still alive and will be able to get some things back together.

I know it's not much, but I'm selling my flowers at half price for those who would like to buy them for the injured and for the people that we've lost. I've also sent many flowers to St. Mungo's for the people who are there recovering and those who are working hard to help them.

These are frightening times. Everything feels like it's changing and it'll never be the same world again. We can hope that this is just a one time thing and that we'll quickly recover, but I can't see that it'll happen that way. I have a bad feeling about it all.

[Hexed to self, Eliza, and Maddy]
Ever since the game Cliff hasn't been the same. He's been very quiet, more so than usual. He always seems deep in thought and whatever he's thinking about it making him angry and I don't know what to do. I've started leave him alone with his thoughts because I feel like I'm interrupting something that he's trying to figure out. I want him to be able to figure it out so he can relax again, so I'm careful when he comes home.

I keep hoping that he'd want to talk about it but he hasn't. Whatever is the matter is a personal thing and I respect that. It's just that, there are times when he's angry that I can hear his anger and it scares me.

I was outside in the gardens the other day and I heard him out there too and he was angry. I don't know what he was doing but it was scaring the horses and it scared me too. He doesn't look at me the same and his eyes frighten me. I can't help it when my hands start shaking when he comes into the room as quietly as he does. I know he doesn't mean to but he's scaring me and I don't know what to do.

( She Wants A Little Bit Of Earth, She’ll Plant Some Seeds. )

[Hexed against loyal DE/supporters]


Cliff, I was wondering if maybe I could talk to you sometime? I know that your schedule is so much more busier than before because of that horrible attack, but when you've got a spare moment I'd just like to see you. You have been home in two days and I'm just worried about you.

Madison, I'd like to donate some floral arrangements to your tea shoppe, if that alright. I have some new ideas and I'd be honored to have them in your store. If you could, you can let me know and stop by to pick something out?

[Hexed private]
The idea that St. Mungo's isn't a safe zone is frightening. Haven't hospitals always been neutral because they help the wounded regardless of their standings? Has St. Mungo's ever been allied with one or another. They're just there to heal people? Why attack them? Why kill innocent patients?

[Hexed against Loyal Death Eaters and their supporters]
Maddy! She's here! I can't believe it. I'm so excited. How could I have not seen her in so long? I don't even know. When are you free Maddy? I've got so much to tell you. There's such big changes, I don't even know where to begin, we just need to talk.

I went to the Quidditch match with Cliff. It was so loud and fast. I got confused so many times and even cheered for the wrong team... Cliff was nice enough to set me straight but it was very embarrassing.

The gardens are looking amazing. I'm so excited for them. They'll have new life and things to be proud of.

[Hexed against Death Eaters]
I'd really like to go out exploring somewhere new. I still haven't been out of the country other than during the war when I was in America, but I wasn't able to see any of it. Now I want to see everything that I can.

I've been going more often to my shop, because I felt like I was away too often. We created new spring arrangements. They're so lovely! I wonder what spring looks like in other parts of the world. I wish I could just go out there and see it. My parents would have done just that, if they wanted to go somewhere, they did without second thoughts.

[Hexed against Death Eater]
Cliff cautioned me to make sure only certain people would be able to view anything I wrote on my journal. After my house burned I think he's right, I wouldn't want to put him in danger now that I'm living staying with him and Eliza. It's strange, not being in my own home with all my things and everything that I was so familiar with. Though it isn't hard to get used to it, because Cliff is so wonderful and has made sure that I have everything that I need, and it's wonderful to have a friend like Eliza here with me. I was by myself in my own home but now I think I've started to get used to having such a friendly person right here.

I'm still running my flower shop, though I don't visit it as often as I like; Cliff said I should only go for owner type things, but it's so hard to be away from it and my employees. I trust them though and I know that they'll keep things going as they should be. I don't have my gardens to tend anymore and now that it's spring it's so very hard to know that I won't be there to heal their wounds and help them to live again. Perhaps one day I'll be able to go back and put everything to right again. Cliff's manor has gardens and he's told me that I can do whatever I like with them. At first, I didn't want to change what was his but he assured me that they were mine to do with as I please. They're so large; his gardens, and I have certainly had my work cut out for me. Luckily, Eliza has been there and willing to help me some when she has the time, so I've worked on the front gardens and they seem to be improving. They aren't so over grown anymore and new leaves are coming in, even with this unnatural cold that has been hanging in the air. I've got so many ideas on what I should do with them, I've got to write them all down and decide so I can get to work.

Cliff and I went to the sea side yesterday, with a picnic and everything. It was so enjoyable. I remember why I had loved it so much as a little girl. It has a raw and seemingly non-tamable power that can give someone a little greater appreciation of nature when we're all so busy with our lives in our towns and cities. Which, I suppose, is why I live out here where I do in this small cottage. It's surrounded by greenery and I've got my garden that I can tend to. I suppose I feel more greatly about the Earth than others do.

I think that I'd like to...Writing is cut off by the page having been burned.

I've got this great urge to visit the sea now. I read Demelza's journal and it just made me remember when Emily would take to me to the sea when I was very little. There was a place we used to stay and I'd like to see if it's still there. Maybe it was just a place of a friend of her's.

The only thing is I really need to learn to apparate. I can certainly take the Knight Bus, since that's what I've used for a long time now, but it would be nice to learn sometime. I know Vicky offered to teach me, but I don't know if she's still up for it.

I'm in love. He's perfect. It's one of those times where everything is going so well that you should be afraid of something happening to make it all go away. I don't live like that though, so I'm enjoying everything I can while I can. It's all so surreal.

I've been so busy preparing for the Valentine's Day sale at my store. This is the first time I've been able to see the results of my work. The baskets and the bouquets are beautiful. There are many cute ones too. I've always tried to have a variety for people to choose from. After all, people give their friends flowers on Valentine's Day because they love them too.

It was exciting to go buy my supplies and actually be able to pick out what I saw and liked. I used to have to asked someone who worked there if they had anything that matched the idea I had in my head and would have to explain it to them. I've been so excited for the past few days, so I'm sorry if I've neglected anyone.

I'm going to be going over to Cliff's place today. He asked me to come and we're going to go horseback riding! I'm so excited about it. He has his own horses and we're going to ride them. I've never rode one before, let alone seen one. I'm very excited. It's for Valentine's Day.

The world is so huge. I had forgotten how gigantic it all really is. It’s magnificent. I left Mungo’s and went home and when I saw the sky I thought I would fall off the ground and get lost in its endless depths and live in the clouds. I spent a whole day just watching the sky and the clouds. I think I did get lost and play in the clouds.
The colors everywhere are more beautiful than I remember them being! So vibrant and breathtaking! I can hardly sleep at night because I just can’t wait for the next day when I can look at everything all over again.
My garden is ready for the spring planting, so I’ll be working on that, and now that I can see it all it will be amazing to watch the transformation! I’m so excited to watch my plants bud and grow new foliage. I’ve always only been able to touch and smell the plants I grow, now the spring flowers will bring me even greater joy than they ever have before. Even my flower shoppe is beyond description with all the bouquets and arrangements. I’m more excited to go into the shoppe than any of my costumers I think.
This is all so exciting. I haven’t gone out farther than work and the grocery store yet, but I hope to venture out and explore soon. I still ride the Knight Bus because I don’t really know how to apparate since I wasn’t able to during school when everyone else was learning how to. Maybe I could get someone to teach me.
I love the small house I live in; though it seems huge to me, everything reminds me even more of my childhood now that I can see it all again. I miss Emily. I wish she was here to share all of these new memories with me. I miss my parents. I found some old pictures Emily had saved of me and my parents and some of just my parents on some of their great adventures they would always tell me about. I wonder what they would think if they saw me now. My adventures are nothing compared to theirs, but I hope that someday I can experience the things they did. As wonderful and amazing as all these new sights are, I think it would be even more dear to me if I had loved ones to share them with.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and were able to see their loved ones. I've always thought of this time of year as being a time to show your love and care for others. I was able to spend time with a loved one good friend on Christmas day. I must apologize though, because my gifts are late and I hadn't meant for them to be, but I promise they'll be arriving soon.

One of my favourite things about the Christmas season are the scents that come with it. My place smells like cinnamon right now and I love it. I put out fresh cinnamon sticks and they've made it smell delicious. There are so many other things I love to smell this time of year too, like all the baking that takes place, it's wonderful. I can smell the neighbors cooking their dinners and baking their desserts and I love it.

The New Years Ball is very soon and I'm nervous because I'm going with someone I've only known for a short time and though I'm very happy I was asked to attend the ball, I'm nervous about how things will go with him. He's very kind and careful so I'm sure he'll be able to look after me. Since he asked me to go with him on such a short notice, he bought me a dress because I didn't have one. I'm sure it's lovely, it feels nice and he described it to me. I hope there will be people I know there.

It's so cold. The earth has frozen and taken the life of many things with it. Every year it happens and there is nothing I can do other than to let it happen and watch as my garden slowly fades. There are only a few things I can do while I wait out the winter for the spring. I've taken care of cleaning up all of the fallen leaves and the dead blooms. I can trim the roses back in the spring but I have to wait until then.

I was thinking of getting a tree for the holidays this year. I'm not sure if I will though. I don't really have anything to decorate it. I think Emily had some ornaments, I'll look for them.

Cliff? Where are you? Is everything ok?

{Private to self}
I don't know how to say this... I've been so excited and glad to finally be seeing him again that I can't stop thinking about him. I've always been afraid to feel like this about someone else after the last time this happened and the outcome was disastrous. It can't happen again can it? Is it even possible to fall in love for a second time and have your heart broken all over again? It probably is, I don't think it's a uncommon occurrence. Wait, in love? Am I? I think about him nearly all the time and I catch myself smiling unconsciously when I'm lost in thought and realize I was thinking of him yet again. Do I love you Cliff Warrington? If I dared to love you would it be disastrous? Would I even let you know how I felt? No, I don't know if I could, I don't want to change our friendship. If I let you know how I felt you might feel obligated to tell me that you don't feel the same way and I don't want to hear that, so I'll keep it to myself. It's such a big feeling though... I feel as though I might burst.
{End Private}

The Halloween Ball was amazing wasn't it. I really enjoyed myself and I'm sure there were some great costumes. It was probably a once in a life time opportunity and if it weren't for my friend Cliff I wouldn't have been able to experience it. I hope everyone else enjoyed themselves too.

I was a little shaken when Hermione was hurt, I remember her from school and I was shocked when I heard the news. I hope things remain better than they were a few years ago.

It's gotten cold recently and I had start preparing my gardens for the frost that is supposed to be coming soon. I'm not finished of course, but I'll be working on that for the next few days.

I got the quilts out of the closet today because it's cold enough for them now. I spent most of the time between taking them out of the closet and bringing them to my bed walking down memory lane. They smell the way I remember remembering them for every winter break when I would come home from Hogwarts to be with Emily. It's comforting.

I talked with Terry just the other day. It was great to talk with him again. It's been so long and I'm starting to think that I'd better stop saying that and just go out and see the people I'd really like to see. I think I'll do that tomorrow actually. If I make it random it might be easier to do and I won't think myself out of it. I'm going to St. Mungo's.